Tuesday, November 22, 2005

The Biggest Loser: Tonight's American Music Awards

American Music Awards tonight includes performances by Cyndi Lauper, Mariah Carey.

Tonight's the American Music Awards, a show I haven't been able to get through in years. I wouldn't mind seeing performances by Mariah Carey and Cyndi Lauper, and Cedric The Entertainer ought to be a great host. However I have little interest in seeing Kenny Chesney squirming on stage just because he was married a minute to Renee Zellweger, and the Rolling Stones squirming on stage just because Mick's too old and creaky to zip around the way he used to.

The American Music Awards is a nice idea, but I suppose I'd like this thing better "de-Americanized." I mean, I consider myself a person with diverse taste in music. But the truth is, some of this stuff bores me thrown in together this way. Rob Thomas then Bow Wow then Hilary Duff. This is just wrong -- all wrong.

By the way, who exactly is Rob Thomas? Why would I want to see Hilary's duff? And Bow Wow? Big friggin' woof!

Perhaps I'd be more excited if I were more a fashion bug. Then at least I'd care to see what the presenters such as Toni Braxton and Eve would be wearing. But the scripts are usually so corny and stiff and tired, not even the idea of teeny-tiny-diva-fashions turns me on enough to tune in.

I see that Ciara's "performing" tonight... (yawnnnnn). At the recent Vibe Awards, Ciara's penultimate act was to ask the audience, "Y'all wanna see me dance?" Ultimately, we should have screamed a worldwide "no!" Because Ciara's heebie-jeebie zombie popping made my butt twitch. And as much as I like Pharrell, he'll probably have Gwen Stefani with him, singing that innane hook, "You got it like that." As immensely talented as Pharrell is, he sure knows how to screw up a perfectly fabulous beat.

To me, the American Music Awards haven't been enjoyable since the days of the Jacksons. Since the days before Janet exposed her boob and got herself ex-communicated from such mega-televised events. Since the days before Michael exposed his weiner and got himself ex-communicated from the light of day.

Maybe I'll just watch The Biggest Loser tonight instead. Tonight's episode features the contestants scaling the side of a building with the amount of their weight loss in coins strapped to their meaty backs. They'll probably look a little like Ciara does dancing. Maybe just a little more jiggy. I mean jiggly.


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Friday, November 18, 2005

Eyebrows raised: Victoria's Secret & 50 Cent in GQ

The 14th annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show took place mid-week, in preparation for the December 6 broadcast on CBS. There must have been more than a few whispers, though... Mrs. Seal -- Heidi Klum -- appeared to have needed a few more months of body sculpting post-child before hitting the runway. And Tyra Banks, who makes this her last trot for Victoria's Secret given her TV show successes, looked a bit like her thighs couldn't have agreed more.
But the biotch with the killingest walk on the planet did not disappoint... You're still the WMD, blowing up all runways, Miss Naomi Campbell.
Supermodel Naomi Campbell's turn on a catwalk is always akin to watching Michael Jordan play basketball: Sheer perfection floating above it all.
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Diddy loves this man, no?First Diddy shows mad love for designer Zac Posen. Now 50 Cent raises the eyebrows of those with an alleged nose for all things gay.
Now that this photo has emerged, one of the the music world's most recent gay-intolerant spokemen is himself being called out by his peeps.The rapper turned movie star, profiled as GQ's Man of the Year in the December issue, threw a diva tantrum because his trailer at the MTV Awards was without air conditioning.

"They don’t do this to Madonna!” Fiddy is quoted saying in the GQ article, and I suppose he's absolutely right. Probably because Madonna has thrown the exact same bitch-fit for some similar discomfort.

Talk show guru Dr. Phil says "you teach people how to treat you." Well, MTV now has an advanced degree in making a happy dollar and 50 cent.

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Shout out to Anna Nicole Smith. Watched the piece about you on 20/20 last night, and hope you win your Supreme Court battle in January. A lesser woman would have given up on half of that $1.6 billion by now. But not you. Near-billionairres to be, Anna Nicole Smith, pleads here case to the Supreme Court in January.Loved that you purchased your husband nose hair tweezers for Christmas. Oh, and a sexy portrait of you in a Santa Bikini Suit.

I don't know the law, but what seems right to me is this: The billionairre Mr. Marshall asked your hand in marriage, you accepted, you made this dying man VERY happy (on occasion). Hell, what did they expect of you? That you'd hang-out with a 90-year-old 24/7, watching him wheeze and sleep most of the time?

I guess once you plucked out those disgusting nose hairs, you didn't mind looking down at him -- getting his jolly jiggling. Nor yours -- spread eagle. But only a little, like this: What do you buy a billionaire who has everything?  Why, the ultimate Nose Tweezers for $4.98! It wasn't hard work, but I can imagine the kind of freak mentality it takes to "do it to death."

For your benevolence, you deserve that half a billion dollars plus an Oscar. You're fierce, girl. Get money!


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Monday, November 14, 2005

Do Madonna, Madonna (in concert @ AOL!)

Already the #1 best selling music item at Amazon.com, Madonna's 'Confessions On a Dancefloor' is earning some of the best reviews I've read in a long while. Click here to buy Madonna's latest -- and some say 'greatest' -- for only $10.99.
Madonna's new CD, Confessions On a Dancefloor -- which officially hits the market tomorrow -- already is the #1 best selling music item at Amazon. And at 5 p.m. EST tomorrow (11/15/05), Madonna's live concert will broadcast worldwide at www.aolmusic.com, direct and on-stage from Koko's in London. An exclusive behind-the-scenes segment will take us fans backstage with Madonna right before the show begins.

Based on these reviews I've found, Madonna's new CD is a non-stop groove monster. Here's what a few respected critics have said:

There are glimmers of Donna Summer, S.O.S. Band, Tom Tom Club, Blondie, Depeche Mode and even a little Iggy Pop. -- New York Times

Confessions On A Dance Floor wipes the, er, floor with her critically acclaimed CDs such as Ray Of Light. It is an hour of pure electronic dance/pop heaven. -- The (U.K.) Sun (includes a track-by-track analysis)

This Guardian U.K. review is a little less loving than the others, but still gives Madonna's new one three out of four stars: The album's title, "NON-STOP ALL-DANCE TOUR-DE-FORCE" sticker and format - each track segueing breathlessly into the next as if mixed by a DJ - suggest Madonna's desire to reconnect with her past as an early-1980s club diva and her devoted gay fanbase.

All the best to you, Material Girl. Can't wait to get your latest in my hot hands. Meanwhile, we'll certainly be enjoying your concert tomorrow on AOL.

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Friday, November 11, 2005

Bush shows Aretha "Pride, A Deeper Love"

The powerhouse vocalist who generated one of the most exuberant and meaningful gay anthems ever, Aretha Franklin, yesterday received the highest honor that can be bestowed on a U.S. civilian. The gospel-bred chanteuse behind Pride, A Deeper Love is now the proud owner of a Presidential Medal of Freedom for achievement in the arts.

I can think of no more deserving entertainer than "Ree-Ree" for President Bush to honored. She has given so much musically to so many for so very long, it's hard to believe she hadn't already been recognized this way.

For the past forty or so years -- count them: 40 -- Aretha has serenaded people of every generation, hue and persuasion during joyous times and times that were tearful. She has bellowed so beautifully in our ears to stand tall that she actually empowered us. She has whispered exquisite reminders to us that we have a mighty friend in the Lord when times were tough. And when all of that wasn't enough, she told us of a man called Doctor Feelgood, swearing he'd take care of all pains and ills.

If you get the urge this weekened to dig in the old music crates for a true taste of the undisputed Queen of Soul, grab a glass of fine wine and give a listen to what I'd vote her top 10 songs of all time:
  1. Chain of Fools
  2. Ain't No Way
  3. Dr. Feelgood
  4. Eleanor Rigby
  5. Do Right Woman, Do Right Man
  6. Natural Woman
  7. Baby I Love You
  8. Bridge Over Troubled Waters
  9. Mary Don't You Weep
  10. Pride (A Deeper Lover)

In a world where stars fade in and out of the public eye in a flash, Aretha Franklin has been loved and heralded for her undeniable gift like very few others. All the very best to the Queen of Soul. Here's to many, many more years of making your remarkable music.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Face: Jonathan Plummer gives it on Oprah

Author Terry McMillan and her now gay ex, Jonathan Plummer, lit up Oprah's TV couch yesterday.Guess I'm late to the Mr. Terry McMillan party. Her man -- well, ex-man turned man's-man -- is gorgeous and I hadn't quite noticed until now. Terry's Jamaican Guy, Jonathan Plummer, joined her on Oprah's couch yesterday, and boy was it a hot mess! So much was going on, they barely mentioned her latest book, The Interruption of Everything.

Terry's body language was all over the place. She couldn't control her facial expressions, rolling her eyes and jerking her head at every syllable the man uttered. I mean, she has every right to be hurt and angry. But didn't the man do the right thing by finally speaking up about his "overnight gay transformation?" (Yeah right!)

What struck me more than anything, though, was the video of Jonathan standing on a balcony when the show was seguing to a commercial. Oh, he told Mr. DeMille he was ready for that close-up! Mr. McMillan's brows were flawlessly tweezed. And when he turned his head, he gave the camera Fierce Face...

Jonathan is clearly ready to either hit the drag balls, hit a career in XXX flicks, or just hit lots and lots of magic stick. I think Terry's got to let that go, and I don't just mean on paper, either. When she wasn't eye-rolling or glaring at him, her touchy-feely body language showed she's still very much attracted to him -- and I can see why! But he's clearly "finding himself" on the other side, is bursting all the way "out" of hetero L7.

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

We miss you Pepper Labeija

My friend E. and I love to chant this like attitudinal drag queens when we're tee-heeing over something scandalous : PEP-a LaBEY-ja, Pep-a-La-BEY-ja. You'll only get it if you know (and love) the brilliant documentary Paris Is Burning. If you missed it, it's the fierce 1991 flick about New York's underground black drag balls.
Paris is Burning - Get the DVD!
What has me thinking of Miss Pepper LaBeija, the ultimate mother of children of color, is this absolutely krazy blog entry by
Clay Cane, titled Looka Like A. Clay's posted the frightening look-alike photos of some of the more interesting celebrities -- Brandy, one of the tennis Williams sisters, R. Kelly and Nicole Richtie, to name a few. This hilarious photo drama was inspired by a group of queens cutting up in a Chinese restaurant. Just go there and read it; you'll get it and love it!

But back for a moment to my Pepper Fever... For a look at some the remarkable girls, check out these dazzling photos from
Sally's II.

To read a tight, inside story about the history of the "Houses" and some of the legendary ones who put Voguing on the map, click
here.

For an update on the lastest incarnation of the drag balls, check out this
Village Voice piece, which captures the making of the long-awaited and recently completed documentary, titled How Do I Look. Directed by Wolfgang Busch, the film considered a "part two" of Paris Is Burning is available here.

How Do I Look is considered a modern day sequel to Paris Is Burning. Many of the legendary ball walkers are interviewed in the film which looks even more closely at the actual extra showmanship at the balls.
Last but not least: Let's stop "observating" and go to a real damned ball! Check out
Brooklyn Boy Blues for a calendar of upcoming events.

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Monday, November 07, 2005

Don't holla back, girl. Please don't holla back

Gwen Stefani's pop stardom irritates me. To me, she's a two-legged, one-note "cover song" of the powerhouse that Madonna built. I mean, when you're going to do a rendition of someone's hit song (or hit style or look), you've really got to bring it fresh and improved. Seems like a nice, charming, sensible girl but just a musically immaterial girl.

Well, the Washington Post states my point best here, in an article titled "Gwen Stefani's Patriot Center Fashion Show":

Stefani's concert at the Patriot Center on Saturday was a colorful, elaborately staged celebration of style, like a runway show writ large. It was an impressive feat, given that Stefani is like a virgin when it comes to such extravaganzas and that, unlike Madonna, she doesn't really dance, no matter how funky the music may be.

For one thing, her show was marked by a vocal sameness because of her relatively limited range. The most memorable singing of the night came when the bassist Meshell Ndegeocello took over the vocals at the end of "Luxurious."
Meshell Ndegeocello's latest album, Dance of the Infidels, is a jazz triumph on which she doesn't sing one note. Rather, she brings in powerhouses Lalah Hathaway and Cassandra Wilson to handle the sultry vocal duties, while Ndegeocello masterfully composes and orchestrates.Ndegeocello's voice was rich and soulful, in stark contrast to Stefani's often pinched singing.
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Madonna looking ab fab in Spain at the MTV AwardsOn the other hand, ever able to wonderfully "do Madonna" is Madonna herself. She's receiving rave reviews -- naturally! -- for her performance at the MTV Europe Awards on the weekend. Making a Disco Feverish splash as the opening act, our girl "Mad" kicked off the show with "Hung Up," the first single from her forthcoming album, Confessions of a Dance Floor.
Mon congrats, (Material) Girl. You can holla back any time.Vogue!
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PS -- Miss Stefani might even take a lesson in how to "do Madonna" from no less than the five and dime store man of the hour. We aren't likely to see Mr. Candy Stick -- or is it Mr. Magic Shop? -- donning breast cones on his relentlessly tattooed body. But he certainly knows a thing or twenty about Shameless Self-promotion, a la Madonna.
This shameless self-promoter keeps it real... real ridiculous in a manner we've not seen since Madonna Marketing 101. With a movie hitting the big screen in a few days, this guy's PR machine keeps spinning and spinning. Check out his latest goofy blurt, mentioned at KeithBoykin.com, on the topic of gays in the military. Oops, in the G-G-G-G G-Unot game. With all of the ludicrous and wild PR swings he's taking weekly to pre-promote his film, he's coming off a bit like a fake, crap-talking wrestler.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Sunday Tea Dance (vol. 2)

Here's a little Celestial Reasoning for this Sunday's Gay Tea Dance --

  • The art exhibit Ecstacy looks like a stoned trip.Those psychedelic faux friends in L.A. are doing hits again. Hits of tres contemporary art, that is. "Ecstacy" is the hot exhibit ticket in La-La-land. Looks like it's all the rave, a very trippy, altered space for sure.
  • Image Hosted by ImageShack.us Some buy vowels; others buy raging female hormones. Armed with an AK-47 assault rifle and a 9 mm handgun, Leslie Ann Nelson, a transexual exotic dancer, killed two police officers during a 1995 standoff at her Haddon Heights, NJ home. At her upcoming sentencing trial, the lovely lady gets to legally represent herself. Here's hoping this woman's work is ever done well. After all, Leslie Ann recently was awarded Inmate of the Month by the NJ Corrections Dept., so maybe the diva can work her magic in court, too.
  • Click here for more about the new In Living Color DVD featuring season four. If you 1) loved Jamie Foxx as Wanda, 2) loved with two snaps in Z formation when Blaine grew excited about your favorite flick, and/or 3) would love to see J-Lo's booty-bounce as a Flyy Girl, then don't miss season four of In Living Color. It's all come out of the DVD closet and itching to get at you again.
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Thursday, November 03, 2005

Margaret Cho knocks Gwen Stefani's Harajuku tie-in

Margaret Cho is unsettled by Stefani's exploitation of this Japanese street fashion trend. Gwen's got the fashion line, a camera and a group of Harajuku princessess touring with her. The funniest chick on the planet, Margaret Cho, recently blogged about not finding so funny Gwen Stefani's all-over-ness of the Japanese Harajuku street fashion style. In fact, she finds it offensive. Read Cho's comments here: Entertainment Weekly.

My introduction to the fad came thanks to Tyra Banks, whose challenge last season landed her Top Model wanna-bes in Tokyo's trendy Harajuku neighborhood. A
Gothic Lolita look is how this displeased writer of Asian heritage describes the look that Tyra's girls tried (miserably) to immulate.

Guess I was actually okay with it all -- the neo-punkish attitude of it -- until I learned that Gwen Stefani became the #1 Exporter of it. I don't get her... Who? What?? Why??? And When will the Stefani devoid-of-funk end? Here again, I feel Gwen's trying too hard to be The New Madonna, who received some flack when she brought Voguing out of the gay clubs and balls and into her video.

Anyway, don't know why in hell you'd want to, but to get the Harajuku look check it out here:
Tokyo Street Style. But for a fiercer Asian appreciation look, try this one that Grace Jones once gave us: Gay Goddess Grace Jones gave the world this famous Geisha face in the eighties.

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Halloween Parade: A gay booooo fest

A character in painful drag at New York's infamously gay Halloween Parade. If you're like me, we weren't able to attend New York's amazing Halloween Parade this year. So thought I'd dedicate today's post to the fun we missed. This is, after all, the most visually arresting (mostly) gay parade of all and draws comparisons to Mardi Gras. Accordingly, this year's parade in New York paid tribute to New Orleans.

Check out these blogger post-event highlights from the Halloween Parade:


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